He
softly crept out the door of his farm house. It was a still, dark night. For
two miles he walked along the shadowy country road and debated his decision to
leave. Eighteen-year-old Mosie, born into a New York Amish family, one of twelve children, turned from his society and all he knew because “there had to be more.” Tears welled up in his eyes as he feared being caught and stopped, and dreaded the painful shunning if he succeeded. Wearing his handmade, Amish clothes, and with $50 tucked into his pocket, he made his stealth escape.
Trodding
along he eventually made it to an English (non-Amish) neighbor’s home and used
their telephone to call another former Amish. “Can you get me now?” he
whispered. Then he waited.
Alone,
confused, determined, afraid, anxious he pulled at his shoulder-length hair
waiting until a car rolled down the single-lane road and inched into the
driveway. With a sigh of relief, Mosie climbed in. His contact, another
former-Amish, brought him to Ohio where, one year later, our lives intersected.
"How did you meet him?" people ask
when I tell them about Mosie.
"It's a God-thing," I answer.
There's no other explanation on how a young man from upstate New York, raised
in a culture I knew little about, became a valued, loved, and permanent part of
our family. Mosie lived with us for a year; we took him on vacation, included
him in holiday celebrations and my dad's funeral, and I
"mothered" him - sometimes at his chagrin - about manners, hygiene,
our house rules, while explaining words and English customs.
He was a farm boy, I'm city-born and raised.
He came from a male-ruled society, I raised strong women. He liked country
music, I like Il Divo. He had an Amish 8th grade education, I earned a
Master's Degree. He was stoic and rarely shared true feelings, I'm expressive.
I raised girls so I "dun't know 'nuthin
bout'" raisin' no boys (insert Prissy's mousy voice from Gone With the
Wind). If ever there were two polarized people it was Mosie and me!
Sometimes I went to bed in tears. Our mutual "adoption" demanded daily dependence upon God for wisdom, patience, and guidance. It was hard to blend our lives from different cultures. But what a rare opportunity to live day in and day out with someone raised Amish and to ask him all the questions our family could imagine.
Sometimes I went to bed in tears. Our mutual "adoption" demanded daily dependence upon God for wisdom, patience, and guidance. It was hard to blend our lives from different cultures. But what a rare opportunity to live day in and day out with someone raised Amish and to ask him all the questions our family could imagine.
Now you know a bit of the beginning of our
story. In upcoming posts, I'll
answer some of those questions, about our treasured son-in-love Harvey, and many others - Josh, Monroe, Sarah - plus how they've enriched my life as I (hopefully) helped them along.
If you've questions or comments, please leave 'em below, I'll answer. ~ Brenda
(c)Copyright, 2013.
If you've questions or comments, please leave 'em below, I'll answer. ~ Brenda
(c)Copyright, 2013.
Thank you for writing this blog. I look forward to reading more about Mosie and the others, as well as your perspective of the Amish culture.
ReplyDeleteMy parents were raised and married in Amish congregations which do not strictly practice shunning. So, when they left they were still considered a part of their birth families. I value many things about my Amish heritage, but am deeply grateful to my parents for having the courage to leave.
Great to have your input Brenda. I remembered your heritage & history. Have you asked many questions of your parents? I've heard from others, who had older family members who left, that they didn't want to talk about it.
ReplyDeleteYour parents must've been raised/married in a "higher" order than Swartzentruber. It is the formers who use that language; "higher" and "lower" orders. Odd isn't it, kinda like a class system among Amish.
Yes, you are correct. My parents were of a "higher order." It's called Old Order in their community.
DeleteMy parents spoke freely about leaving when I asked questions as a child. My mother's parents also left around the same time, which made things a little easier.
Here is what I tried to write. "Brenda your ministry with the Amish would make a great documentary. Blessings as you expose the "gentle" Amish lifestyle. Bob Fruehling, AvivMinistries Inc."
ReplyDelete(My pal Bob didn't have a registered profile & found it impossible to post his comment. He asked me to post it on his behalf. Thanks Bob.)
Brenda, I have fond memories of us sitting on my front porch in the large white rocking chairs early that Texas-steamy August morning. We talked about mothering, and you talked about Mosie and I recall the deep passion and love you have for him. God blessed you with a son, and blessed Mosie with a second Mom. I'm enthralled with your retelling of your journeys. Blessings.
ReplyDeleteI love the way you are presenting a different view of Amish culture--not a condemning one, but a reflective one based on your real experiences with real people like Mosie. Since March, we've sheltered a young man who comes from a culture of abuse, so I understand some of the problems that stem from trading one world for another. Eager to hear more!
ReplyDeleteSally Elam wrote: "I have been a colleague and friend of Brenda's for a very long time. She is an excellent parenting specialist and professional. Kudos to Brenda for reaching out into this area with her new book and blog. Parenting is a "big deal." Here are its five basic parts: nurturing, love, guidance, support, and protection. When even one is missing, the results can range anywhere from not good to disastrous. How special it is that Brenda has stepped in to these young adults' lives to fill in for them their missing parts." (she couldn't leave a comment so she sent it to me for posting. Dr. Sally's website is http://earlychildhoodnews.net)
ReplyDeleteAuthor Lynda Young wrote: "Your carefully crafted words show us truth and your heart. God has given you a mission, and you are fulfilling that step by step. I love reading your journey through His eyes for a different culture. Blessings, Lynda" (she was unable to post her comment & sent it to me for posting.)
ReplyDeleteFascinating story, Brenda. Fascinating and unique. I commend you for your heart in taking Mosie in like that. The Swartzentrubers are probably the most hard core Amish out there. Mosie's escape and adaptation to "English" life had to be far more difficult than mine was. I'm sure you have a lot of tales to tell.
ReplyDeleteIra Wagler
Thanks for your comments Ira. It's a pleasure to have you contribute, and there's a link to your website where you write about Amish Mafia. Mosie is adapting well and he seems so happy at this point in his life. Harvey (our son-in-law) and some other Swartzies have escape stories, too, that'd tear out your heart. I don't know why most of my experiences are with Swartzentrubers. In my book I hope to point out the different Orders because most people who talk to me think all Amish are the same. Noah refers to the different orders as "different flavors" of Amish :-)
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ReplyDeleteFascinating blog, Brenda. I grew up in Northern Missouri near an Amish community. I remember my family being briefly involved in helping a young man who had left the 'faith'...by picking him up and taking him to our church. I was just a kid, but I remember being told that his family considered him 'dead'. In my young mind, I couldn't figure how a 'faith' that 'seemed' so gentle could be so cruel at the same time. I'm not sure what ever happened to him. Thanks for sharing your experiences. I am eager to hear more.
ReplyDeleteBrenda, it is interesting how you and your family met Mosie and drew him into your family, and how you learn from him, and he from you. It seems like two different worlds.
ReplyDeleteYes Terra we are from two different worlds. I will venture to say that most Americans have no clue how the Amish are a sub-culture of American life; distinct and different.
ReplyDeleteThanks Dave for your comment. Your sentence about how a 'faith' ...gentle could be so cruel is is part of the paradox of Amish life. I've found that they often forgive outsiders for terrible actions such as the schoolhouse shooting but ostracize their own for "sins" such as hair too long/too short, agreeing with one who is shunned, leaving, etc. Funny (but not) story: one ex-Amish sat at my kitchen table & told me that his brother was in trouble & being disciplined; the elders were discussing if he should be shunned. Each group member was asked if he thought the brother should be shunned; everyone agreed except one. He spoke up that he disagreed with the group The consequence? Both were shunned.
We have a large Amish community southeast of us, here in Minnesota. I've read lots of Amish Lit., but I can't wait to hear more about your first-hand experience. I'm eager to learn how Harvey assimilated and became your SIL. Thank you for sharing! I'll definitely be following your blog closely.
ReplyDeleteThanks Vicki. You've had experiences too, I'm sure. Wonder what order is represented in Minnesota.
DeleteWe never set out for this learning curve; neither admired nor disrespected Amish but, I'm humbled & grateful that we're now in-laws to a fine ex-Amish, plus have an "adopted" son, and our family keeps expanding as we meet others. I'll write a post about Harvey & Lynsey's wedding.
Harvey is assimilating so well; he's the manager of an outdoor equipment rental supplier, plays volleyball one night a week at church, and is going to classes to earn his GED (8th grade is the end of Amish education).
Interesting information Brenda! As a teenager in the late 60's - early 70's, my father owned property, here in Central Ohio, in an old order Amish community. Dad cash rented the land to a local Amish family who farmed it for dad. This family had a son who was my age. We were both about 15 years old. He was always telling me about how he, his dad and other Amish men in the neighborhood would go out drinking until the wee hours of the morning then come home and start their chores for the day. He spoke proudly of his drinking then working all day without any sleep. This is when I realize that the Amish order, that I always thought was a Christian - God fearing group, wasn't a Christian group. Nor was this setting an appropriate example to the English teens that he knew. I tend to look at them more realistic now, especially since I still near another old order Amish clan that tend not to want to follow the English law. Frustrating!
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