Mosie's dad gave it to him.
Josh and Harvey each got one from their parents.
Sarah received hers a few weeks ago. Her brother Monroe (who lives with us) came home and threw it in my lap.
What am I talking about?
The "Letter." A warning letter (or a paraphrased version) desperate Amish parents give their wayward children who leave for the "outside" life.
The first time I read Mosie's (our "adopted" ex-Amish son) letter I thought it was so ominous, so callous, so negative and devoid of any mention of love. I don't know how Mosie withstood the forlorn words of condemnation and shame. While he didn't express his feelings, I perceived Mosie's self-doubt, pain, and confusion. His letter told of those who left the Amish to face the "dangerous path" and how miserable their choice made the parents and how they broke the parents' hearts.
By "disobeying parents," the child was on his path to hell! Only obedience to parents and returning to Amish gives one a hope of Heaven.
Then I learned, from others at that time, the
letter wasn't original. What Mosie received from his dad was a common
attempt to scare "wayward children" back into the Amish life. When my husband and I studied Mosie's letter, we
saw cut and pasted and blacked out sections. To us it suggested
his father attempted to personalize a letter template.
"Just
think what you are doing, just THINK, to put that electricity in the
house. Oh, I'd be afraid to have such in my house. Really, I would be
afraid to have it. What would God say?" warned one Amish mother in the letter to her daughter.
Another gal's letter from her father said, "If only you could have died
when you fell out of the upstairs window.” She explained, “I had so disgraced them by leaving the Amish that my
death was preferable to my life.”
Monroe heard from his married Amish brother that his parents put it in their will no English children (wayward ones) are allowed to come to their death wake. Here's an excerpt of the Letter Monroe received;
"Dear children. Please do not miss treat your parents and make them so betrubt [grieved, sad]. Now please do not keep them so awake during the night of fear that you children may go to hell. . . . think about it that it may be our last day to live."
Below are other ex-Amish words about their letter:
"As
soon as we were cut off from the Amish I wrote them a letter to let
them know what we believe, they wrote back, warning us n also send an
old budget clipping along with the story of something horrible that
happened to a lady that left the Amish." ~ Emma
"The only letter i got was from my dad saying that i owe him from the time i left until i was 21 yrs old." ~ Danny [Amish children come of age at 21 y/o; until then all earned income goes to the father.]
"I
got more letters when I was thinking about leaving than any other time
in my life. Yes, after I left I got a letter warning me that they will
be excommunicating me, . . . " ~ Sarah
"I
got it but not from my parents... It was from a 'concerned' friend.
There were letters and even books I "should read" to change my mind. . ." ~ Lisa
"I
got quite a few of those letters. From both sides of the family,
meaning in-laws, I forgot most of them, but most was about what happened
to Amish or Mennonite people when they left, and then something bad
happened. They either ( repented and came back) or died a long suffering
death." ~ Savilla
Why am I revealing this tidbit of Amish practice? Because the curious public want to knows about the Amish; watching TV shows, reading books, asking questions, visiting Amish tourists spots, buying Amish furniture and products, without really knowing practices within the culture and what those who leave face.
As a mom, I can understand these desperate Amish parents' attempts to do what they think is their duty. What's the problem? No mention of love or affection for the child, which Amish do not show. In parenting, our goal is a balance of rules and relationship.
What do YOU think? Have you received a warning letter sometime in your life from your concerned parent? Do you agree with these Amish parents who are trying to persuade their children to return?
The teachings and the preachings in these groups are as follows: All you have to do is to obey the church leaders and your soul is secure. Some preach the New Birth is obeying your parents, which in turn means obeying the preachers. Another pressure point is: If you don't obey your parents by staying Amish, the parents will also go to hell. Whole sermons are based on obedience to the church and obeying your parents, or go to hell. Even if I wasn't Swartzentruber Amish I was taught the same things. So I purposed in my heart I will never, never leave the Amish, but God refused to save me until I left because I had put my trust in being Amish instead of Christ to save me.
ReplyDeleteYour second point about parents going to hell for their children's choice rings a bell in my mind. Monroe's letter from his parents said, "We don't want to go to hell." Now it makes sense that they're fearful of his & his sister's choice to leave the Amish.
DeleteThat just makes me sad. I love my parent's and that would be heartbreaking but I understand the relationships are probably different. Which would be my question, when the Amish families are together, do the talk and share stories and ask parents for advice like my family or is it more closed mouthed?
ReplyDeleteEmma, in my experience with Old and Swartzentruber Orders, children do not talk to, share stories with, nor ask parents for advice. In fact, the moms have the babies, siblings raise the babies, and peers become the support system; there's a gap between children and their parents. When Amish youth have question, they ask peers for advice. Our Harvey told us, "The only time my dad talked to me was about business," meaning the business of spanking.
Deletemy parents are OOA, its been 9 years that i and my family have left the amish, we have our family gatherings and a very good relationship with them, we love sharing stories and memories when we are together. Oh ya and still love to ask mom for advice! Oh an had never heard of "THE LETTER" before reading this, of course our parents wished we would still be amish, but have accepted it and know we can serve the Lord as we are.
DeleteThanks for your comments Naomi. You remind readers that there are variations of family behavior even within an order. To say, "All Amish do this" is to gloss over a complex culture. You obviously had/have a better relationship with your parents and that is a blessing.
DeleteBut yes, I've heard of and seen/read THE LETTER. And let me tell you, it is harsh, warning, scarey. I feel sorry for those who receive it from their parents in an attempt to get scare or coerce them to return Amish.
Parents that follow any form of legalism do what they have to do to keep their kids on the straight and narrow. Although the parents of Mosie and the others never said it, I believe in their hearts, they believe they were doing this out of love, and this is the only way they know how to express it, by keeping them "saved." After all, that is at the very core of Amish belief, that everything you do is to guarantee you will make it to heaven. (paraprase/loose interpretation of their beliefs)
ReplyDeleteWhat I do know is that Amish aren't the only ones to do this type of thing. When I left the extremely legalistic church I had been attending all my life, I got a visit from a group of "concerned sisters in Christ" sent by the pastor, trying to convince me to see the error of my ways and return. I didn't, and that's when the shunning/excommunication, call it whatever, started. That's when former hugs, kisses, greetings, etc. ceased and they all stopped talking to me and avoided me at all costs. Since I was already married, my dad didn't say much, but my mom did ALL the time. Every chance she got she'd quote the "children obey your parents" thing. I know I hurt them. A lot. To this day, that's been a struggle for me. I've never quite gotten over the "children obey your parents."
I know how hard it is to get all of that out of your head, and I hope your kids will be able to do so. I hope they can work through the guilt part as they begin understanding the whole salvation, saved by grace, not works, and there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus relationship with Christ. As for those who don't choose to seek this relationship with Christ, they will most definitely struggle with the guilt thing for a long time.
Thanks for sharing your perspective; as always I appreciate you reading and commenting.
DeleteThe absence of love and affection in the letters is heartbreaking. I think the way they treat their children is indicative of their view of God. :-(
ReplyDeleteI've been told by most of the ex-Amish that God is perceived as vindictive and waiting to pounce on anyone who breaks a rule. Since the earthly father is all business without affection, then children have only the earthly one to compare to the Heavenly one.
DeleteIt breaks my heart to read what Mosie and the others went through, and are still going through, in their search for the truth.
ReplyDeleteI feel as though I am always contradicting you with my stories of my Amish friends. I was actually talking with an English friend of mine the other day and we decided that our Amish community is unlike any we’ve ever seen or heard about. They are different. Their countance is different. Their actions are different. Their way of living is different. It’s softer. More gentle. More loving. Less rigid. Less harsh.
They are Old Order, but the kids run to the door when dad gets home. They sit on the swing and snap beans and talk about the day. They aren’t cold or callous to anyone. The younger dads (the ones in my generation) are so kind and thoughtful to their wives and kids. They read stories to their kids, take them on piggy-back rides, hold their wife’s hand when she’s in labor in the front seat of my car, ask if we can pray to our Heavenly Father before we leave for the hospital and then ask for peace in the name of Jesus, make a special trip to our house on Easter Sunday for a visit... the list goes on and on.
It saddens me to hear of such heartbreak and callousness in the world. But I guess that’s where we live: in the world. The fallen world. And religion and legalism make excellent bed partners. Some can see glimpses of the Truth and keep easing that way; others see glimpses of the Truth and run that Way.
I have prayed and will continue to pray for Mosie and those who have felt the harshness of an earthly father. But something that I have trained myself to remember is that there are bad apples in every bushel. There are plenty of bad apples in the English world who treat their kids as bad, if not worse, under the guise of Christianity. And I pray for them, too.
Thank you, Brenda, for loving Jesus and His people.
Blue Eyes, I'm just curious as to where you live? I live near Amish communities, but not close enough to get to know anyone. Thanks!
DeleteDali, the commenter Blue Eyes lives in a small Ohio town.
DeleteAnd Blue Eyes, thanks for your thoughtful & sensitive comment. You aren't contradicting me rather, you're proving my point that Amish are different; Orders, settlements, sects, and families. One cannot read a book or watch a TV show and make sweeping assumptions about all Amish from that one exposure.
As a former Amish I got a tweet (@mrdeleted) a while back from a lady that interviewed you... It was interesting. I just checked my twitter mentions, so I listened to it. Would be interesting to get to chat with you sometime.
ReplyDeleteJoseph, I know you're former-Amish and believe at one time we were following each other on twitter. I know you also have a Fb group about the Amish language. Thanks for reading and leaving your comment, you're welcome here anytime!
DeleteI also have a relatively large (3-4000 members) group called My Amish Recipes. Maybe we can do a video together for youtube.
DeleteUPDATE: It's been a year since Monroe & Sarah left their Amish settlement. Last month Monroe tried to talk to his parents. They reminded him that he's going to hell unless he returns to Amish.
ReplyDelete