Road Trip to North Carolina

Last month we drove North Carolina. The draw? Well, it is a beautiful, southern, charming state. We often drive through parts of North Carolina on our way to vacation on the Outer Banks. But this trip had a particular attraction - our "son" Mosie. He'd moved down there 10 months ago.

Thought you'd like to see some road trip pix. We arrived on a Friday evening to comfortably warm weather. Mosie met us a couple hours later at our motel; he'd been working 2-hrs away on a construction job. Ahh, such a pleasure to see this muscular, hardworking young man who had the lion heart to slip out of his Amish settlement and join a world he'd been warned to avoid - I'm still amazed at his fortitude.

"Free" Book for Helping

"Brenda, how can I help ex-Amish adjust?"

I'm asked about the needs of ex-Amish or ways to help them adjust to life on the outside. Some people think ex-Amish are like anyone else yet nothing is farther from the truth. Most people have few clues to the myriad and primal needs of these precious young adults.

In my experience, there are one of three reasons an Amish person leaves; to escape the rigid, oppressive rules; to explore religious freedom and a faith-based life; or simply to shed the Amish life and belong to the non-Amish life. I could go into detail and share stories about each of these three reasons but, that's another post. To keep it focused, I'll answer the question of helping.

Since I live with, love, and assist Swartzentruber and strict Old Order, my answers apply to these groups.

1) Recognize they grew up speaking Deutsch, therefore they're ESL or EOSL - an educator's term for

Amish Sex Education

To some this post is a sensitive subject.  

I was reading an Amish fiction book. The author wrote her characters talking about "pregnancy." Maybe in some Orders but, not across the board, I thought and emailed the author. She assured me she vetted some Amish and they spoke about such things. So I asked Josh, "When you were growing up, did you ever hear the word pregnancy?"

"No!" he answered. "If we saw a woman with a big belly we tried to figure it out." 

I asked our son-in-law Harvey and received the same answer. "You mean even if you had a married sister who was expecting, your parents didn't tell you she was going to have a baby?"

"No," said Harvey. "They didn't speak of such things." 

So when one of my ex-Amish groups kicked around the following question, I thought I'd post their answers for you to read. It's meant to neither criticize nor complement the Amish, just to give information. The question: How much did your Amish parents tell you in the way of sex ed? [Tweet That]

5 Discoveries About Amish

Uriah, Levi, Marvin, Harvey, me, John, Josh

Author, speaker, and radio personality Diane Markins said, "Amish people and their lifestyle is a complete mystery to me. I’ve read a few fictional accounts and have seen teasers for a TV show called 'Amish Mafia' but that’s the extent of my knowledge. Author Brenda Nixon has become intimately familiar with Amish and 'Ex-Amish,' as her daughter married a man who left that community. You will likely be as

Amish Children: Just Too Cute!

I gotta admit it. Amish children are too cute.

The "mom" in me wants to cuddle 'em in my arms. They dress like miniature adults, speak Deutch before English - which they learn in kindergarten - have angelic innocent faces, and they're entrusted with fieldwork and kitchen duty before they leave elementary school.

Ever try talking to their wee ones at Walmart? They gaze at you like deer caught in headlights.

Why? First, they probably don't have a clue what you're saying as you're speaking English and they don't understand your foreign language!

Second, they've probably been sternly warned, "Baheft dich!" Translation: behave yourself! If you would've asked, "vhee getes?" they would understand you to ask, "How's it going?"

Amish Wannabe?

My buddy, Lester, was an Amish preacher when he left that life.

He shared "what I could remember" his list of what he was taught to "be a good Amish person."

What a rare treat to look deep inside the Amish membership requirements. This list isn't exhaustive but, here in Lester's own words:

In order to be an accepted member of the Amish Church - which to me means just a bit more than it does to be a member of the Amish community, although it is in large part the same thing - you must agree to and follow their standard practices and teachings. There are many things standard across all communities. One of these is the adoption of the 18 Articles of the Dordrecht Confession of Faith plus a few more,

Don't See It or Hear It? Then It Doesn't Exist!

Thanks for reading or subscribing to my blog. Evidently you've learned a bit about the complex Amish culture and discovered that I'm sharing my experiences with ex-Amish to help others see a truer picture of the culture than the rosy, everything-is-perfect Amish fiction books.

Although truth is better than fiction, many people choose to absorb themselves in the fantasy, half-truth that EVERYTHING Amish is splendid, they cannibalize romance books, and seek to emulate these most "Christian" people.

No truth please

When presented with truth that doesn't fit their image, these people remind me of the see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil monkeys. Although non-fiction books and programs like AMERICAN EXPERIENCE "The Amish" or National Geographic provide a lens by which to learn more, it doesn't feed most publishers' ravenous demand for money via Amish romance. Consequently, I'm trudging uphill as an author trying to get my non-fiction Amish book published.

What? Why? How? An ex-Amish Interview

Amish Jonas (Josh)

English Josh

I interviewed 25-year-old Josh, asking the questions some of you might ask him. Josh is a valued part of our Nixon family; legally he’s my son-in-law’s cousin so we are related by marriage but, Josh has moved into our hearts; emotionally he belongs to us.

  What was the best part of growing up Amish?
 
"For me, the best part was sitting around the table to eat with family; Amish seem to value family. They all help each other such as barn raisings (nobody gets paid). Amish make a lot of their own things like food, clothes, and furniture. They work hard. Kids are taught to work for a living, no sitting around playing video games while expecting someone else to pay the bills."

  What do you feel was a challenge to being Amish?

Cost and Rules of Buggy Ownership

First, remember the multiple comments below so don't miss out; subscribe by entering your email (right side) and stay "in the loop" for my blog! I write a new blog about every 14 days--you won't be flooded with incoming posts.

Second, a gentle reminder that posts along with comments and discussion are copyrighted material. Please don't copy and paste anything from this blog without my knowledge and written permission. Thanks for respecting this law and for coming here to learn.

Last week I was chatting with Josh (birth name, Jonas) about buggies. I had talked with Mosie about this before but, it was interesting to confirm the information or hear new stuff from Josh's perspective. Did you know the cost of a buggy ranges from $1,300 - $20,000? Josh said he used to build buggies, remove wheels and grease, wash, etc.

Privacy and Protection

Have you noticed I don't publish the last name of "my guys" who are ex-Amish? Never will.

Sensitive to the consequences, I discussed this topic previously with Mosie and Josh. My daughter suggested that I change names to a pseudonym to protect them.

Today we discussed it with Harvey, my son-in-law. I chatted on the phone with a lady who used to teach in an Amish school. She's givng me permission to share her experiences, firsthand observations, and spiritual compassion for the Amish. "Don't publish my name in your book," she warned. "They [Amish] don't like me."

"Why?" you ask.

Amish Gma

No, it's not Good Morning America as some suggested. Gma (pronounced G-maay) is their word for church. You’ll see a reference to this in Appendix C of my book. Mosie lived with us for a year and during that time he explained many Amish words and traditions to me.

From him and frequent contact with other ex-Amish of the Old or Swartzentruber Order, I learned that obeying the Ordnung (rule book), conforming to tradition, and submission to parents make them worthy of God’s favor and Heaven. His Swartzentruber order considers Englishers hopelessly doomed because they weren’t born Amish.

“So what was your church like?” I asked Mosie one day.

“We go every other Sunday to an Amish home but rotate homes. Sometimes it’s in a barn. The men and boys go in first, and most put their hats under the bench; following them are the women and girls. 

Mosie

He softly crept out the door of his farm house. It was a still, dark night. For two miles he walked along the shadowy country road and debated his decision to leave. 

Eighteen-year-old Mosie, born into a New York Amish family, one of twelve children, turned from his society and all he knew because “there had to be more.” Tears welled up in his eyes as he feared being caught and stopped, and dreaded the painful shunning if he succeeded. Wearing his handmade, Amish clothes, and with $50 tucked into his pocket, he made his stealth escape.