If you've read back through my blogs - or you're a subscriber - then you know meeting then opening my home and heart to those who leave the Amish is an unplanned learning curve. But I take it seriously.
I've written blogs on ways to practically, accurately help former Amish adjust to the outside life. I've written about their struggle to earn a GED. I try to advocate for their needs so they have a step-up into our world.
Now, I thought you might want to meet some who are currently in my life. These are special to me. Well, all are special but, some have moved on and live in other states or they've established jobs and we don't keep in touch - like Rudy and Andy.
Harvey - our handsome handyman son-in-love - works FT, regularly attends church, and ekes time out to painstakingly study for his GED.
Josh - Harvey's cousin - also left the Swartzentruber order of Amish. He's dating Sarah, working FT, loves playing volleyball, and bought a motorcycle. He lives about five-minutes from us and is quick to text me back.
Marvin completed his GED! After a series of freak accidents, two that nearly claimed his life, he is working FT in Ohio, and his dream is to go into the National Guard. Go Marvin.
Levi - Mosie's cousin - moved to Iowa. Some of you saw Levi on PBS TV's The Amish and its sequel The Amish: Shunned. He's pictured in this blog. I miss him! Levi is special to me, I worked repeatedly with him to give/receive a hug as he wasn't used to physical affection from a parent. Levi occasionally checks me out on Linkedin.
Sarah - Monroe's older sister - finally got her bottom dentures, is engaged to Josh, and works at the same business with him.
Monroe and Sarah's oldest brother, Harvey, just left the Amish. But his wife and kids did not. I posted about him on teaching Amish to drive.
Noah - another ex-Swartzentruber Amish - is precious. He's suppressing inner wounds from physical beatings. He works FT, lives in a small Ohio town, and is so busy we rarely Noah.
Uria is getting married this month, and he works FT. His older brother, Andy, is living and working in NC. Uria once told me that when he and his brother left, their dad - a bishop - shunned himself.
Uriah - like many ex-Amish, moved frequently in the first years out. He's now living and working in Ohio. Sadly, I've not seen nor heard from Uriah in two years. Too bad, he's so likable.
Remember, if you've given shelter and love to an ex-Amish, please share your story or updates below.
(c)Copyright, 2014, Brenda Nixon.
Thanks for the updates, Brenda! You mentioned that Harvey regularly attends church. Do you find that most ex-Amish do end up going to other churches? Or are they leery of other forms of Christianity? Or perhaps they don't believe at all anymore? What is the Swartzentruber attitude toward atheism? I imagine it isn't a concept they would know much about before leaving home.
ReplyDeleteHope you don't mind all the questions! :)
You're welcome Stacey. So many people have asked what these guys & gals are doing...or how they're doing.
DeleteIn my experience most ex-Amish do end up going regularly to a church. Since the Amish are a relational culture, most ex-Amish still need a body of relationships and they find that at church. Some are naturally leery of strict rules, condemnation, and negative images of God.
I don't know the Swartzentruber attitude toward atheism. Since their life is ALL about working to please God, I'd guess this ingrained thinking prohibits an atheist mindset.
Feel welcome to ask questions anytime. The great minds are always learning :-)
You mention that Uria's father shunned himself. How does a person shun himself?
ReplyDeleteExactly my question Erik? I had to laugh at the thought...like do you not feed yourself or ignore bathroom needs? Then I apologized to Uria for laughing. He said that his father just didn't talk to people or do things with his Amish settlement for a few weeks. It was a new one on me.
DeleteSo glad to read the updates! I always wonder what happens to the many that leave, especially knowing that the transition is not easy. So much for them to learn and have to navigate. I also wonder about their spiritual growth and whether or not they've been able to have some type of contact or relationship with any family members. I also wonder how a bishop shuns himself. Enquiring minds want to know.
ReplyDeleteInquiring mind Dali - here's update on their contact/relationship with the parents:
ReplyDeleteHarvey-he makes the first step to see/talk to them, then it's polite & superficial.
Josh-same as Harvey. Has an older sister who left so he has family contact.
Marvin-minor contact. His parents sent him to psych hospital when they learned he wanted to leave Amish. Told docs, "Give him medicine to change his mind."
Levi-don't know. He lives with a brother who left the Amish.
Monroe & Sarah-parents say they're going to hell for leaving Amish. No contact.
Mosie-strained. Parents aren't interested in his upcoming marriage.
Noah-strained. Has siblings who left.
Uria-don't know. Parents didn't come to his recent wedding.
Uriah-his parents told him to stop talking about his new Christian faith or leave.
See my recent post on Amish Shunning to learn about its history & complexity.
Hello there lady. I just wanted you to know that I am still reading and loving your blogs. I would love to meet some of these guys and gals one day. I'll be seeing you soon.
ReplyDeleteI'd love for you to meet them! Tonight Monroe stopped by. He wasn't hungry...but ate a large piece of cake with coffee :-)
DeleteEach ex-Amish is precious and unique although there are some similar mindsets & beliefs from their Amish upbringing.
why do Amish don't preach the Gospel to unbelievers like Jesus commanded in Mathew 28:18-20?
ReplyDeleteWelcome Liberty Newspost & thanks for your question!
DeleteMost readers of Amish fiction are led to believe ALL Amish are conservative, righteous Christians. Not true. Some orders - especially Old & Swartzentruber - do not teach a faith-based salvation. In fact, they put all efforts into following the rules outlined in the Ordnung as their "hope" of God's favor. They don't preach to unbelievers because many don't know Jesus either. Also, the attitude of many orders is that Amish are the only ones going to heaven. The English (non-Amish) are going to hell. Read my post about John who was brought up Old Order Amish believing all English are going to hell: http://brendanixononamish.blogspot.com/2013/10/all-english-people-are-going-to-hell.html (Posted on Oct. 4, 2013).
Earlierin 2013, I posted earlier about Amish Gma http://brendanixononamish.blogspot.com/2013/01/amish-gma-gmapronounced-g-maay-is-their.html explaining the church services of these aforementioned orders.
Some "higher" - progressive - orders like Beachy or New Order Amish do preach the Gospel and may send missionaries.
How would a bishop shun himself? I really think they meant 'bann'. I have seen that happen. When a leader feels something has happened that he was responsible for, and he would have banned and shunned someone else for doing that, he banned himself from the church and let the community shun him. I am not condoning this or saying that it is a good thing. It is what it is. It is, however, another way to draw attention to yourself as an Amish leader. The founder of the group, Jacob Amman, actually did this to himself as well.
ReplyDeleteWell, you outta know Lester :-) Thanks for your insight from experience. (folks, Lester was an Amish preacher when he left that life.)
DeleteI'm writing because I'm curious to know if most of your fosters are raised Amish and not ex Amish (give or take a few). There is a mighty big difference between being Amish raised and ex Amish.
ReplyDeleteThe reason I'm writing, also anonymously, and without using names and gender specifications, is I have a dear friend who is ex Amish. Dying to see her/his kids, but being restricted access to kids. Is allowed to see the older kids, as they are old enough now to make that decisions (not baptized yet, with two questioning whether they want to remain Amish themselves).
Watching my friend struggling with this has been gut wrenching. This person loves their kids to death!! Any advice or wisdom to pass along?
Thanks in advance....
I'm unsure what you mean by "raised Amish" and "not ex Amish." Those I know were raised and left Amish.
DeleteSorry your friend - who is ex Amish - wants to his his/her kids but is prohibited except for the older ones. Most of the ex Amish I know are either prohibited from seeing or have strained relationships with those remaining behind. I've learned that often those who are remaining inside Amish don't want those who left the fold to "influence" family and that's why they restrict much communication.
I'm unsure what you mean by "raised Amish" and "not ex Amish." Those I know were raised and left Amish.
DeleteSorry your friend - who is ex Amish - wants to his his/her kids but is prohibited except for the older ones. Most of the ex Amish I know are either prohibited from seeing or have strained relationships with those remaining behind. I've learned that often those who are remaining inside Amish don't want those who left the fold to "influence" family and that's why they restrict much communication.
Basically a child raised Amish, doesn't actually truly become Amish, until they commit to the religion and baptize. All others who choose to the leave the faith prior to baptism are not "ex Amish". One does, in fact have to be baptized into the faith for that term to apply to them.
ReplyDeleteIf a baptized Amish person later leave, they are shunned and or ex communicated. My friend spend a number of years shunned (off and on) and took ex communication a few times. The last time she/he took the excommunication rather than go before the Bishop and/or Deacon and adults in this person's church district and try to present arguable cases as to why he/she should not be ex communicated. This person basically grew tired of the rings of fire he had to jump through and gave up. This person owns and operates a very successful business (probably already saying more than I should).
The community, though they shun you, actually do not "shun" you the way movies and media likes to portray. The bishop and the deacons make huge efforts to help the "wayward" person to come back. Often they set up meetings once a week for months or years if necessary or they have someone in the community who has righted their wrongs and repented, be a roll model/mentor to the wayward ones in an effort to get them to come back and repent.
If a youth or young adult is not baptized they are not ex amish, they haven't made a promise to commit to the religion and Amish way. therefore they are not in nearly as much "trouble" as the ExAmish. They can still live at home with their parents, they can work in amish jobs etc, and they can go about interacting with other amish (however there are always certain family members who may be very hard on this youth, and sometime kick them out just to get them to come back). Tough love? ugh, But for the most part, there are plenty of un baptized raised amish youth who have gone to more progressive churches (beachy and Mennonite) and are still living with or in touch with their parents.
Baseline is, there is a very big difference between raised amish and ex amish. I work for an Amish company and have this schooled to me several times...
The oldest child lives with my friend now. the second oldest visits regularly, both are nearing 16, one may actually be 16 now and are learning more about the English world and both are deeply questioning whether they want to remain amish. my friend is in a hard spot as she/he can't be seen as "enticing" them to leave....she/he would lose all access to the kids. Its heartbreaking because this person LOVES LOVES LOVES LOVES their children....and is soooo torn.
I know many former Amish and scholars who would disagree with your thesis, "Basically a child raised Amish, doesn't actually truly become Amish, until they commit to the religion and baptize. All others who choose to the leave the faith prior to baptism are not "ex Amish". One does, in fact have to be baptized into the faith for that term to apply to them."
DeleteAs Amish is more of a culture than a religion, anyone born of the culture is aligned with it in name & mentality. However, let's not split hairs. Perhaps your friends have a different perspective or are from a higher order than Swartzentrubers and conservative Old Order Amish (OOA), I'm most familiar with.
Again, I'm sorry for the heartbreaking situation your dear friend is in now...due to a cultural belief. Best wishes in your help and friendship.